Happy Holiday Songs For the Mentally Ill

Rocking Around Dead Santa Claus
(To the tune of 'Rocking Around the Christmas Tree)
Rocking around dead Santa Claus,
At the Christmas party hop.
Misteltoe hung where you can see,
But nobody tries to stop.
Rocking around dead Santa Claus
Let the Christmas spirit ring.
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie,
And we'll do some shooting.
You will get a really evil feeling when you hear,
Voices shouting, "Let's go postal!"
"Deck the grills with blood - we'll roast 'em!"
Rocking around dead Santa Claus,
Have a happy holiday!
Everyone hiding merrily,
Or the bullets'll get in the way!
You will get a really evil feeling where you hear,
Voices shouting, "Let's go postal!"
Pow! Bam, bam, bam, bam! Boom! Aaaaah!
"Deck the grills with blood - we'll roast 'em!"
Aaaaah!

Up On the Housetop
(To the tune of "Up On the Housetop")
Up on the housetop burglars prowl.
Out jumps the biggest one of all.
In through a window with out a noise,
They like to steal from little girls and boys.
Oh, oh, oh,
There! See one go!
Oh, oh, oh,
There! See one go!
Up on the housetop,
Sneak, sneak, sneak,
Inside each window they take a peek.

The Christmas Song
(To the tune of "The Christmas Song")
Chestnuts scalding on an open fire,
Jack Frost hacking off your nose.
Insane songs being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like what who knows.
Everybody knows some matches and some gasoline,
Help to make the season bright.
Tater tots are so yummy and nice,
Golden brown, and inside white.
They know that Santa won't be on the way.
They've been naughty and they have to pay.
And every single child will cry,
For they'll never see the reindeer in the sky.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase,
To geeks from one to ninety-two,
Although it's been said,
Many times,
Many ways,
"You look funny, yes you do."

We Wish You A Deadly Christmas
(To the tune of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas")
We wish you a deadly Christmas,
We wish you a deadly Christmas,
We wish you a deadly Christmas,
You'll be buried New Year's.
Bad tidings we bring,
Where ever you are.
Bad tidings for Christmas,
You'll be buried New Year's!

Oh What A Beautiful Pistol
(To the tune of "Oh What a Beautiful Morning")
 Oh what a beautiful pistol,
Oh what a beautiful gun,
I've got an excellent aim, yes,
Oh Christmas I'll shoot everyone.

Santa's In The Chimmeny - And He can't Get Out!
(To the tune of "Yankee Doodle")
I woke up late one Christmas night,
And heard a dreadful rumble.
I went downstairs to find out what,
Found Santa took a tumble.
Soot was pouring in the room,
Thought someone came to plunder,
Finding Santa in the chimmney,
Was something of a wonder!
"Help me! Help me!" he cried out,
Almost begging, pleading,
"I got too fat, and fell right through,
Now help is what I'm needing!
I won't be bad,
I will be good," He cried out with a gusto,
"But for goodness sakes, please hurry up,
I think I'm gonna bust - OH!

There Was An Old Tree Branch
(To the tune of "There Was An Old Woman")
There was an old tree branch, all bare and brown,
Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak!
It lay in a forgotton wood,
Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak!
One day a maiden came to the wood,
Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak!
She saw the branch a-lying around,
Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak!
It's ghostly sight, it frieghtened her so,
Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak!
She brought up her foot and,
SNAP!

Peter Cottontail
(To the tune of "Peter Cottontail")
Here comes Peter Cottontail,
Limping down the old, worn trail,
Pow! Bam, bam!
See the bullets fly!
Suddenly he's not so fast,
Actaully he's the very last,
Pow! Bam, bam!
Now I'm sure he's dead...

Bunny Boogie
(To the tune of "Bunny Boogie")
Well I woke in the morning,
Easter Eggs were on my mind,
I went out in the backyard just to see what I could find!
Bunny Boogie!
Get to hop and hop!
Bunny Boogie!
Then I fell, went, "Plop".
Well I looked under the bushes,
And I looked down on the ground.
I looked all through the bak\ckyard,
BUT THEY JUST WEREN'T AROUND!
Bunny Boogie!
Get to hop and hop!
Bunny Boogie!
Then I fell, went, "Plop".
Well, I went into the kitchen and I creid myself clean out,
Then I went to play detective,
Just to see what I'd find out!
Bunny Boogie!
Get to hop and hop!
Bunny Boogie!
Then I fell, went, "Plop".
Well I boogie in the springtime,
And I boogie in the fall,
But when I lose my Easter Eggies,
Then I really want to bawl!
Bunny Boogie!
Get to hop and hop!
Bunng Boogie!
Then I fell, went, "Plop".
Bunny Boogie,
Then I fell, went, "Plop".
Bunny Boogie,
Then I fell, went, "Plop".
Bunny Boogie,
Then I fell, went, "Plop".
Hop, hop, hop.

Grandmother's House
(To the tune of "Grandmother's House")
Over the treetops,
And thorugh the ground,
To Grandmother's house we go!
The horse knows the way,
So we carry the sleigh,
Through wide and drifted snow!

Beautiful Schoolbus
(To the tune of "America the Beautiful")
Oh beautiful, for brown worn seats,
For lots of screaming kids.
For dirty floors, and old wrappers,
That Johnny claims are Sid's.
Oh schoolbus, oh schoolbus,
The clouds shed rain on thee!
And wash thee off,
But the dirt returns,
Do wonders never cease?

The Pastry Song
(To the tune of "What A Wonderful World")
I see cream of white,
Golden brown too.
I see me eat one,
Or maybe two...
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

I see Bavarian Creams,
Oh my! They're good!
I want someone to get me one...
I wish you would.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

I see doughnuts holes,
So small and gooey.
I see me eat one,
And yell, "Yipee!"
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.
Yes, I think to myself,
What a wonderful world...

I Hate School
(To the tune of the "I Love You Song")
I hate school!
You hate school!
Let's go watch the first graders drool!
With a teeny tiny match,
And a lot of gasoline!
Let's blow the school to smitherines!

 
Happy Holiday Songs For the Mentally Ill and Other Original Songs copyrighted by Alisha Erin Heavilon. Please contact me before use, and give full credit to me. (Aside from tunes.) Also, I know some of these lyrics are a bit extreme. I'm not a psychopath, and if they offend you - don't read them.